Hitlerhoff uber-quiz: David Hasselhoff, Adolf Hitler, and the Decline and Fall of the Twentieth Century

some of the answers will ASTOUND you. quiz on …

1. In their best-selling autobiography, who wrote: “I spent a lot of time with drinking, smoking priests, but I never suffered any form of abuse”?

a) David Hasselhoff

b) Adolf Hitler

c) Michael Jackson

2. After being told his son’s plan for the future, whose father apparently said: “Artist, no, never as long as I live!

a) David Hasselhoff

b) Adolf Hitler

c) Jesus Christ

3. Who moved from a small town in Austria to the big smoke, with dreams of one day making it big in politics?

a) David Hasselhoff

b) Adolf Hitler

c) Arnold Schwarzenegger

4. Who didn’t quite get into the art school of their dreams, and instead had to travel across the land?

a) David Hasselhoff

b) Adolf Hitler

c) Forrest Gump


5. Who is the author of the best-selling books Revisioning Gender in Philosophy of Religion: the Ethics and Epistemology of Belief and Ricoeur and Kant: Philosophy of the will?

a) David Hasselhoff

b) Adolf Hitler

c) Pamela Anderson

6. Who said “An idea without theatrical sense is of little value. It is more important to be effective. With a theatrical sense one can be effective about nothing.”

a) David Hasselhoff

b) Adolf Hitler

c) Charlie Chaplin

7. Although famous for other activities (including causing the deaths of millions of innocent people), which of these men considered himself to be first and foremost a poet?

a) David Hasselhoff

b) Adolf Hitler

c) Mao Zedong

8. Who made the following remarks, and who were they talking about? “I think he was quite as good as Mick Jagger. It’s astounding. And, boy, when he hit that stage, he worked an audience. Good God! He was no politician. He was a media artist himself.”

a) David Hasselhoff

b) Adolf Hitler

c) Arnold Schwarzenegger

d) David Bowie

9. According to the Guinness Book of Records, who is the “World’s Most-Watched Man”?

a) David Hasselhoff

b) Adolf Hitler

c) Paris Hilton

10. Who has a research centre named after them in Canada, a statue made of them in London, and is renowned for their bravery during the Crimean War?

a) David Hasselhoff

b) Adolf Hitler

c) Florence Nightingale

11. Who once claimed that his organisation was “bigger than Jesus”?

a) David Hasselhoff

b) Adolf Hitler

c) Fat Albert

12. Who wanted to replace all the crucifixes in churches with swastikas?

a) David Hasselhoff

b) John Lennon

c) Jesus Christ

13. Whose inspirational words inadvertently caused thousands of years of suffering for millions of people, notably Jews, Muslims and homosexuals?

a) David Hasselhoff

b) Adolf Hitler

c) Mel Gibson

14. Who succeeded in creating an Aryan paradise, where mindless hunks of beefcake and cheesecake perform heroic deeds in a world of by fat-free bodies, perfect teeth, Walkmans, frozen yogurt and rollerblades?

a) David Hasselhoff

b) Adolf Hitler

c) John Howard

d) Arnold Schwarzenegger

15. Who is least likely to get into a situation where he is too drunk to eat a cheeseburger?

a) David Hasselhoff

b) Adolf Hitler

c) Fat Albert

16. What is the Red Tide?

a) A huge algal bloom that occurs off the coast of California

b) A crude metaphor for menstruation

c) A crude metaphor for the spread of communism

17. What is sauerkraut made of?

a) David Hasselhoff

b) Adolf Hitler

c) Cabbage

18. Who described his ideal woman as “a cute, cuddly, naïve little thing – tender, sweet and stupid”?

a) David Hasselhoff

b) Adolf Hitler

c) Hugh Hefner

19. Which revolutionary German philosopher and politician organised an unsuccessful attempt to overthrow the government, and has achieved great symbolic status as a martyr since their untimely death?

a) David Hasselhoff

b) Adolf Hitler

c) Rosa Luxemburg

20. Who lived by the motto “without dreams, you will go nowhere”?

a) David Hasselhoff

b) Adolf Hitler

c) Sigmund Freud

21. Who forced other people to live by the motto “WorkChoices will set you free”?

a) David Hasselhoff

b) Adolf Hitler

c) John Howard

22. Who said “make the lie big, keep it simple, keep saying it, and people will believe it”?

a) David Hasselhoff

b) Adolf Hitler

c) Andrew Bolt

23. Who would MOST like to claim responsibility for the fall of the Berlin wall?

a) David Hasselhoff

b) Adolf Hitler

c) Rambo

24. Who invaded Austria … in a talking car?

a) David Hasselhoff

b) Adolf Hitler

c) James Bond

25. Who thought the theatre of Georg Buchner and Alfred Jarry was degenerate and “weird”?

a) David Hasselhoff

b) Adolf Hitler

c) Alfred Jarry

26. Who said “Anyone who sees and paints a sky green and fields blue ought to be sterilised”?

a) David Hasselhoff

b) Adolf Hitler

c) Andrew Bolt

27. In 2007, who played a gay Hitler in Las Vegas in Mel Brooks’ hit musical The Producers?

a) David Hasselhoff

b) Adolf Hitler

c) Mel Gibson

ANSWERS

1: a.

2: b. Hitler received plenty of abuse.

3: c. Schwarzenegger‘s memorable lines include “It’s not a tumour” and “to those critics who are so pessimistic about our economy, I say: ‘Do not be economic girlie men!’ ”

4: a. Hasselhoff was rejected by the prestigious Juilliard School in 1970 – the year that Robin Williams and Christopher Reeves were both accepted.

5: c. Pamela Sue Anderson, the philosopher, and official Fellow at Oxford University. Not to be confused with Pamela Denise Anderson, author of the best-selling books Star and Playboy’s Playmates in Paradise.

6: c. Chaplin also said that Hitler’s face “was obscenely comic – a bad imitation of me.”

7: c. Between 5 and 6.5 billion copies of Mao’s little red book have been printed – more than any other book in history, except possibly The Da Vinci Code.

8: d, talking about b. A coked-up Bowie and Mick Jagger reportedly watched Leni Riefenstahl’s propaganda classic Triumph of the Will fifteen times.

9: a. At its peak, Hasselhoff’s Baywatch had 1.1 billion viewers.

10: c. The “Lady with the Lamp” – Florence Nightingale.

11: Trick question. The answer is John Lennon, and his organisation was the Beatles.

12: Trick question #2. It was Adolf Hitler.

13: Trick question #3. The correct answer is Jesus Christ.

14: a & d.

15: b. Hitler was a strict vegetarian, and he never drank alcohol.

16: a & b & c.

17: c.

18: b.

19: c. Rosa Luxemburg co-founded the Communist Party of Germany in 1918, tried to liberate Berlin after WW1 in January 1919, and was tortured to death by fascists on 15 January 1919.

20: a.

21: c. Not to be confused with Hitler’s catchier “work will set you free”.

22: b. Andrew Bolt said “global warming is a myth. Global warming is a myth. Global warming is a myth. Global …”

23: a. Hasselhoff’s cover of “Looking for Freedom” went to number one in Switzerland and West Germany in 1989, and became the anthem for the reunification of Germany.

24: a. Hasselhoff’s first European tour was only confirmed once he “promised to bring the car”.

25: a.

26: b.

27: a. The musical starred Tony Danza. Playing a gay Hitler was so traumatic for the Hoff that he was driven to drinking and failing to eat cheeseburgers on YouTube. If that isn’t degenerate art, I don’t know what is.

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